Life's In A Mess?
When your life is in the midst of a turbulance and you feel like It would go on and on, seems like it would never end. You would wonder to yourself, can life gets even more worst? And to your surprise, It would really do.
Here in the Philippines, we are currently facing our battles against Corona Virus. At we're almost at the end of our community quarantine. With all the drama that the world is facing right now, never in my wildest Imagination did I fathom that I would face dramas of my own. I mean, being quarantined is a big battle already. So what could possibly go wrong at this point?
Before COVID-19 struck the Philippines, one of my aunt came here to settle some things with her then house. I knew that one day she would kick me out of her house (which was originally my grandfather's) and so to avoid future dilemma, I decided to move out. I stayed in an apartment that my father is renting with my sister and her husband. Due to some misunderstandings, I had to move back temporarily to my aunts place. But then drama happened again and so I have to move back to my father's place with some relatives.
Everything went smoothly at first, but with all the differences that we have, misunderstanding would soon rise again. And so, this day came. There was a silent war inside the house. The root of the problem is not clear to me. And much to my sismay, there's no place for me to go to. I have no choice but to suck up the whole situation. What's more interesting is that, this happened at the time when I am desperately reaching out to God. To make me whole again and help me focus my attention to Him. How ironic, isn't it. It was ok with me. The silent war and all, it was fine. Until my Mother chatted me and accused me of things I don't know of. That's when I became mad. That's when I thought that worst things didn't want to stop coming my way.
My family always ask me why I don't like to stay with them. This is exactly the reason why. They would always say that I should always choose blood over anything else, but I'm not that kind of person. So what if you're a kin? Does it mean that I should choose their side even if they're at fault? What I hate the most is people making conclusion even they haven't heard both sides of the story. I hate it when people say choose your sister or brother just because they are family.
Family isn't always blood related. You can call someone a family even if you're not blood related once you have that connection. There are times I would ask God why I have this kind of life. I often feel alone and that I don't belong to any family. I hate my family. That's a fact. I hate the fact that they always see the worst in me that when there are misunderstandings, they would always conclude that I'm at fault. To be honest, I'm getting tired of trying to understand them and accept all the fault. I thought at first that I really don't care, but sometimes I just can't help but pity myself. I want to love them, and spend more time with them, but It felt like it was too hard to do so. They're my family no matter what happens, and there's nothing I can do to change it. And it hurts me more to know that I would be always an outsider.
Luckyly, with all these things happening in my life, there is one solid rock that I can call my own and depend on. My only family then, now, and forever. Jesus, my Lord and my saviour. I would still pain in the future. But I know that my God will never leve me. Life can be scary and tough, but I choose to put my trust in Him. So no matter what shit life throws at me, I would hold on to my Lord. Maybe even cry. But at the end of the day, my only prayer is that my faith won't fail.
Here in the Philippines, we are currently facing our battles against Corona Virus. At we're almost at the end of our community quarantine. With all the drama that the world is facing right now, never in my wildest Imagination did I fathom that I would face dramas of my own. I mean, being quarantined is a big battle already. So what could possibly go wrong at this point?
Before COVID-19 struck the Philippines, one of my aunt came here to settle some things with her then house. I knew that one day she would kick me out of her house (which was originally my grandfather's) and so to avoid future dilemma, I decided to move out. I stayed in an apartment that my father is renting with my sister and her husband. Due to some misunderstandings, I had to move back temporarily to my aunts place. But then drama happened again and so I have to move back to my father's place with some relatives.
Everything went smoothly at first, but with all the differences that we have, misunderstanding would soon rise again. And so, this day came. There was a silent war inside the house. The root of the problem is not clear to me. And much to my sismay, there's no place for me to go to. I have no choice but to suck up the whole situation. What's more interesting is that, this happened at the time when I am desperately reaching out to God. To make me whole again and help me focus my attention to Him. How ironic, isn't it. It was ok with me. The silent war and all, it was fine. Until my Mother chatted me and accused me of things I don't know of. That's when I became mad. That's when I thought that worst things didn't want to stop coming my way.
My family always ask me why I don't like to stay with them. This is exactly the reason why. They would always say that I should always choose blood over anything else, but I'm not that kind of person. So what if you're a kin? Does it mean that I should choose their side even if they're at fault? What I hate the most is people making conclusion even they haven't heard both sides of the story. I hate it when people say choose your sister or brother just because they are family.
Family isn't always blood related. You can call someone a family even if you're not blood related once you have that connection. There are times I would ask God why I have this kind of life. I often feel alone and that I don't belong to any family. I hate my family. That's a fact. I hate the fact that they always see the worst in me that when there are misunderstandings, they would always conclude that I'm at fault. To be honest, I'm getting tired of trying to understand them and accept all the fault. I thought at first that I really don't care, but sometimes I just can't help but pity myself. I want to love them, and spend more time with them, but It felt like it was too hard to do so. They're my family no matter what happens, and there's nothing I can do to change it. And it hurts me more to know that I would be always an outsider.
Luckyly, with all these things happening in my life, there is one solid rock that I can call my own and depend on. My only family then, now, and forever. Jesus, my Lord and my saviour. I would still pain in the future. But I know that my God will never leve me. Life can be scary and tough, but I choose to put my trust in Him. So no matter what shit life throws at me, I would hold on to my Lord. Maybe even cry. But at the end of the day, my only prayer is that my faith won't fail.
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